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There was blood on her hands. There was so much blood Tamsin was drowning in it and no amount of scrubbing herself raw would clean them. She stood beneath the shower head, letting the cool water cascade down her skin, washing the sweat and tears away. Sighing softly, she leaned her head against the shower wall, feeling the cold from the tiles seep into her bones.
Tamsin had awoken in the middle of the night from a dream that had been haunting her for weeks. It was always the same dream. She would be standing in a field of wheatgrass, a blood red sky looming above her. Just when she thought she were alone she would turn to find Bo standing there behind her, every time. But something was always slightly off about the other woman. On the outside she looked normal; that same soft smile playing around her lips, that same confidence radiating from her. But there was an ominous presence lurking beneath her skin, like poison. Bo's eyes would shine blue and her smile would turn cruel. The sick coppery taste of blood would fill Tamsin's mouth and she would wake, eyes wide with fear and body dripping with sweat.
She knew what it was. It was a warning; a reminder of why she was here, of what she had to do.
Reaching out, Tamsin turned the shower handle sharply, shutting off the water. Stepping out of the shower she wrapped a towel around her pale body. She didn't bother to dry herself and simply walked out of her bathroom, back towards her bedroom. With the towel still wrapped tightly around her, she sat down on her bed, feeling the water drip off her hair, dampening her bed sheets.
Tamsin stayed sitting there for a long time. She was afraid to sleep, to dream that same dream yet again. And she was afraid to close her eyes, even if for just a moment. Every time she closed her eyes she would see their faces. The faces of her victims; both fae and human. Their terrified faces haunted her, their eyes confused and pleading. She clenched her fists so tightly that her nails cut into her palms, breaking the soft skin. But the pain couldn't distract her. She had never before felt regret or compassion for the lives she had taken, the marks she had claimed.
She had blood on her hands; she knew that. But it had never bothered her until now, until her. It was all her fault; the woman that had stormed into her life like a hurricane, making her question herself and the things she had done. Making her feel things she had never felt before.
"Bo," she whispered.
Even saying the name out loud make her chest clench uncomfortably. What was it about this woman? Why did she make her feel such doubt?
Tamsin snorted. It was ironic, really, as though her very own power had been turned against her. Doubt was, after all, 'her thing'.
Her eyes flitted over to her bedside table, landing on the small corked bottle sitting there, innocently waiting, taunting her.
"One hair from someone she loves. Two from someone she trusts and three from her own head. Put them in the bottle and the druid will do the rest."
She had collected the hairs for the runeglass just as Acacia had instructed. Acacia. She felt bile rise up in her throat as she thought back to the box she had opened at the police station. When she had seen Acacia's bloodied hand lying there it had taken all of her valkyrie willpower and strength to not fall apart and break down, then and there. Knowing that she had been responsible for what was lying in that box made her heart break.
Acacia had warned her to not get too deep, to keep her eyes focused on the task at hand. Deliver the succubus, that was it, that was all she had to do.
"It's what we do, Tams."
Acacia's words ran across her mind again, and she was right. It was what they did. But she had already gotten too deep and someone else had paid the price for her. But what they had done to Acacia had been but a warning. If she failed, Tamsin knew what would happen to her would be far worse. Acacia had known. That was why she had come, risked her own skin to try to talk sense into Tamsin, to put her back onto the task at hand. And now she was most likely dead, or worse.
They had been watching Tamsin more closely than she had realised. They must have seen her start to doubt her orders, become too close. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as the paranoia crept over her. Were they watching her right now? She would have to be more careful from now on, make sure they understood she would follow the plan and deliver the succubus, as promised. She wouldn't let anyone else be hurt for her. So she had collected the hairs. She had taken a hair from Dyson's brush, an eyelash from Lauren. She had taunted the doctor, broken the news of the kiss she and Bo had shared in Brazenwood, riled Lauren into slapping her. She had relished in the slap, relished in the sharp sting of pain it had caused her. Carefully she chipped away at Lauren and Bo's relationship, waiting for the moment it would finally break apart. She needed Bo alone, she needed her broken. It would be easier that way, she told herself, if she let someone else break the succubus's heart, before she threw Bo to the wolves. She couldn't handle being responsible for both.
Tamsin had then taken the three hairs from the succubus while in the guise of a friendly embrace. She softly ran her hands over her arms. She could still remember the feeling of Bo's skin against hers. She had told herself the hug had been pure deception, a means of taking those final three hairs. But a part of her knew that wasn't true. She had needed that last chance of touching Bo, of feeling the woman against her. She was selfish. She was weak.
"I'm so, so sorry."
She had whispered those words while her arms clung to Bo's neck, and she had meant it. But she hadn't been apologising for Bo and Lauren's break up. She had been apologising for what was about to happen, what she was about to do. But she had no choice. She couldn't let them hurt anyone else she cared about, like they had with Acacia. This was greater than her. What she felt didn't matter anymore.
If she had to betray Bo, become the villain everyone so easily believed she could be, then that's exactly what she would do. She had to take the runeglass and see the druid. She had to finish this. One way or another, this had to end.
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